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So for those of you who don’t know, a ravenous spider bit me over the weekend. Unfortunately I killed it before I knew that it bit me, so I cannot show you the sheer size of that thing.

Here is what it did look like before I so quickly took its life:

Dun dun DUN! The most feared Brown Recluse Spider!

I stepped on that thing so quickly, it didn’t even know it had it coming…

That is what the spider should look like, that son of a bitch.

This is the result of a 3 daylong journey.

That red line almost made it to that finish line the doctor drew on it.

Now before I made it in to see the doctor, I had a lovely conversation with the lady at the front desk. (She definitely gave a hip thrust when she found out that they took my medical insurance. Perfect.)

After telling her my symptoms, she proceeded to tell me it most likely was a brown recluse. Cool. Now if it was a baby brown recluse, they can’t control their venom output. Very cool.

Then she says, “It is almost like a vampire, since I am reading that Twilight book over here.” EVEN COOLER.

This lady was likening my potentially life threatening spider bite to a vampire novel.

Now how would you like to see that thing coming at you?? HUH?

After describing to the doctor how this mad vampire spider bit me. She then proceeded to give a shot in my butt. Yep. Real classy.

They wouldn’t let me leave after that. I had to sit there. In case I passed out from the antibiotics.

They nonchalantly said to Emiley, “If she drops to the floor, just scream.”

Yep, that is classy me fainting.




  1. Nice post – love the pix!

  2. That was funny!

  3. Honestly Beth — this is so creative and SO FUNNY!! Read it while your Mom and Emma were here and we just giggled and giggled!!

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