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Monthly Archives: January 2010

So for those of you who don’t know, a ravenous spider bit me over the weekend. Unfortunately I killed it before I knew that it bit me, so I cannot show you the sheer size of that thing.

Here is what it did look like before I so quickly took its life:

Dun dun DUN! The most feared Brown Recluse Spider!

I stepped on that thing so quickly, it didn’t even know it had it coming…

That is what the spider should look like, that son of a bitch.

This is the result of a 3 daylong journey.

That red line almost made it to that finish line the doctor drew on it.

Now before I made it in to see the doctor, I had a lovely conversation with the lady at the front desk. (She definitely gave a hip thrust when she found out that they took my medical insurance. Perfect.)

After telling her my symptoms, she proceeded to tell me it most likely was a brown recluse. Cool. Now if it was a baby brown recluse, they can’t control their venom output. Very cool.

Then she says, “It is almost like a vampire, since I am reading that Twilight book over here.” EVEN COOLER.

This lady was likening my potentially life threatening spider bite to a vampire novel.

Now how would you like to see that thing coming at you?? HUH?

After describing to the doctor how this mad vampire spider bit me. She then proceeded to give a shot in my butt. Yep. Real classy.

They wouldn’t let me leave after that. I had to sit there. In case I passed out from the antibiotics.

They nonchalantly said to Emiley, “If she drops to the floor, just scream.”

Yep, that is classy me fainting.

I AM SPIDERWOMAN.

So my 24th birthday is just a few weeks away. Too exciting. But it got me thinking this morning about getting older…A lot older.

The other day while I was surfing one of my favorite blogs, I came across this post regarding celebrities and what they are going to look like in the future. (http://www.pinkisthenewblog.com/2009/12/look-what-the-future-may-hold-for-some-of-our-fave-celebs/)

And I saw this shining in all of its glory:

Yes please. Don’t you just want to be hanging out with them at the local senior citizen’s center? Duhhhhhh

Then I started thinking about aging myself. How hilarious would that be?

Oh it was.

Mine is obviously not as good as our favorite celebrities, but then I started thinking….

I just had to do it.

Then I continued on my aging quest and came upon this little gem.

God, I hope one day I can be just like them.

Party on dudes.

So this is my friend Zach:

Most of you all know him.

Well about a month ago, this happened to him:

Don’t worry, he is OKAY! He broke his femur pretty bad. Like really bad. But they put a rod in it and now he has a bionic leg. AWESOME.

Bionic leg, get it?

Well now Zach has commissioned me and my UNBELIEVABLE art skillz to create a new tattoo for him in memoriam of “the crash that almost killed him, but it didn’t and now he has a bionic leg.”

So of course I am taking this assignment verrrrrrry seriously. I have tapped into my creative prowess and created this:

Good. No, really good.

I mean, it not only commemorates this astonishing accident, but also shows Zach’s machismo. Yes, machismo. Only someone with his physical aptitude could survive an accident like that. Manly. Yes.

Here’s to wishful thinking Zach.

How is that for an opening blog post? Babies.

I have been thinking a lot about babies lately. (Yikes.)

But yes, I have been thinking a lot about babies. Maybe it is because there seems to be a boom in pregnant ladies here in Nashville or it might be the children over load I experienced while in Chicago (Good Lord it seems like everyone is having babies now a days.)

Then I begin thinking about myself and babies. Gosh, I hope my sisters and brother have tolerable children.

Then I find things like this:

That baby looks like an old person. I hope it never belongs to me.

Then my brain goes on a downward spiral. And then I create a picture using this awfully ugly baby and my co-workers. And magic happens:

Then I continue to digress:

All I can say at the end of the day is that I still hope God continues to forgive me. I have ruined some people’s very nice family photos that they probably treasure. Should I be ashamed of myself? Probably. But I cannot deny that I have some mad power point skillz. (Yes, with a Z)

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